Last week I published the first of what I hope will be a series of mini-blogs examining the most basic tenet of leadership: leading by example. For those of you that didn’t catch this you can read it on this blog page.

In part 2 I consider another important aspect of leadership: leading with compassion.

So here goes…put the kettle on, get yourself a digestive biscuit (alright make that two – you’ve been good) and relax for the 3 minutes or so it will take you to read this installment.

Now those of you who have actually read part 1 may recall that I introduced the topic of leading with compassion for part 2 over a week ago. Best laid plans and all that, but after having a whole week to reflect on it I don’t think the title is right. With time to ponder I now just don’t believe that “compassion” encapsulates fully what I want to cover so I am going for a restart.

Here goes (again)…

Leadership is leading with compassion genuinely caring

That’s it. Caring to me implies that you have an emotional connection with the people you lead and are genuinely interested in their wellbeing.

Now while you could argue that “compassion” implies the same I feel that you could fake this, exhibit compassionate behaviour, but not necessarily connect [1]. You can’t fake genuine caring although many try by asking superficial vanilla questions like: how was your weekend? How’s the dog, the family (etc.)?

Do you really care about the answer or are you just running through a script because you feel it is expected of you? I had a manager who used to ask these types of questions of me every time we met and you could see him thinking of the next question before I had finished answering [2]. Now there is nothing wrong with these types of interactions but let’s call them what they are: small talk, fillers, fluff; and in many cases you have forgotten them and moved on to something else before the virtual ink is dry on the response.

They are useful in helping us make superficial connections and to kick-start the bonding process that hopefully paves the way to something more substantive but they are not within the purview of the genuinely caring and engaged leader. If you want to have a meaningful relationship with your team then this takes more effort and you will need to be interested and engaged in the dialogue. You have to remember, and be interested in, the fact that Uncle Bill is visiting New Zealand for a couple of weeks and that he really enjoyed his trip to Auckland to bungee off the Sky Tower.

It is also important to factor in that information when you are asking for a commitment from your team to work late to meet a particular deadline or asking them to travel out-of-town. Indeed, more than just remembering the details and factoring this into your management process you need to follow-up in an engaged and thoughtful way. Say whaaat [3]? Yup, you need to remember important details so the next time you speak to your team member you remember what is happening in their lives and can perhaps even ask after Uncle Bill.

Importantly don’t do it because you feel it is required. Park the rational work focused brain and reconnect to the emotional one. Be human and share of yourself and interact with your individual team members on this emotional level if you truly want to build engagement.

Go on try it – you may find that you like it.

Anyway that’s it for now. Keep calm and show that you care.

Look out for the next installment: leadership is being human (and flawed).

[1] Google: sociopathy.

[2] If any of my previous managers are reading this I just want you to know that I am not referring to you.

[3] Pop reference to “The Interview” which in the authors’ considered opinion is the only memorable part of the whole movie.